Tune On!

... (notes to depict a tune here)...yes, I feel like singing out loud.

Sing...sing a song...sing out loud, ...sing out strongggggg....sing of good things not bad...sing of happy not sad...sing...sing a songggggg!

Don't worry that it's not good enough, for anyone else to hearrrrr....just sing...sing a songgg....

.................................................. Karen Carpenter, the sister of Richard, of the group Carpenters

So all ye folks out there! Blogging? Tired? Frustrated? Fearful? Dejected? Rejected? Too much bad poetry and too many 'adult' complications? Basically if life is 'happening', then guys, just follow 3 easy steps to feel like a ray of sunshine:
a) Stand in front of the mirror (even stark naked would do, in fact would be funnier if you are the kind who can laugh at oneself, warts et al)
b) Open your mouth and unshackle melody accompanied by some lyrics that set the mind aflutter - this is aka singing for the uninitiated...(insert wink here)
c) Make faces at oneself while singing (try it) and sing out loud

Make it simple... to last your whole life longgggg....Don't worry that it's not good enough for anyone else to hear... Just sing, sing a songggggg....La la la la laLa la la la la la...


Life is a song isn't it? (It depends on the tune...sometimes it's tuneless but tune on nevertheless).

SMS = SOS

Bid adieu to a bunch of colleagues and 2 dear friends at work today. Yes! They hated me at work. Thought I was the worst bitch ever (I'm making an assumption but I think I'm pretty much bang on. I hated them too. Egads!)

My junior bought me 2 pairs of earrings. Was so touched. (Wasn't so bad after all I guess, or was he apple polishing and chose the wrong time?..ha ha)

My boss (now ex) gave me an additional 10 days' salary (I think he felt sorry for me thinking poor thing, she has no job to go to and probably the ego-boosting mails helped) to my utter astonishment considering how tight-fisted he is.

All said and done I was teary eyed and felt weird driving home. Relieved and yet all wound up. Nervy and edgy.

So I SMSed a dear friend and asked to be rescued.

What you said is so true my dear man. 'R it's like shedding clothes, becoming free, in order to don the new...reborn for the next life (or phase as one deems fit). It can be traumatic, but so is birth right?' Right.

He SavedMySoul!

Unnamed Fear!

So what does one do when a doctor orders for some tests?

So what does one do when the tests are for your ageing parents?

So what does one do when you wait anxiously for those test results - unnamed fear in the heart and thinking so hard, that you almost will it to be true?

So what does one do when the specialist answers your query and says, "Ummm....it could be malignant, but we're not sure, so we advice you to go for a second test/opinion"

So what does one do when your best friend calls you and conveys her unnamed, unspoken fears?

I didn't do anything! I didn't even know what to say! I babbled. I mouthed cliches about hoping and praying and hanging in there! I think I was incoherent. I think I failed miserably.

I fear I'm hope-less! (But I'm sending out missives to Him, so don't worry pal, let's be hope-full!)

I love this one!

"You're a treasure!"

Chest puffed out, ego swelled like a river in spate, and a smile spreading from here to eternity.

Yes! Feels good.

Shams, thanks, as always for that wonderful comment.

You know what? You're a treasure too!

Welcome to the MAS! (Mutual Admiration Society!).

Blank!

Can't think of a single thing to write. Nothing of note anyways.

Tomorrow is my last day at work from this present place. I feel elated. I feel free. I feel relieved.

(The travails we put ourselves through just to ensure that the world at large doesn't think we're failures and losers. By Jove, talk about having simian genes - we hang in there so much it's a wonder we're not regressing into monkeydom and swinging from trees).

Wait a minute - I just remembered - I saw TDVC (The Da Vinci Code). Review - Cumbersome!
Tom Hanks - more than bearable. Ian Mckellan - very very good. Bottomline? When you try and recreate a mediocre but racy bestseller into celluloid drama, more often than not it falls flat. So hey guys, not everyone can do a Gone With The Wind. So chill! Let Mary Magdalene just be!
(But if someone told me I was a living descendant of Chandragupta Maurya, what would I do? Awwww!!!! Come now, I'd shrug and say, 'show me the money'. But if someone said I was the descendant of Hitler, I'd immediately assume a dictatorial air!)

So if you had a choice of being a descendant of some key figure from history, who would you choose?

As for me, I'd choose to just hang in there! ...:)

Mundane!

Like I mentioned in one of my previous posts, we're all linked it seems in the blogosphere.

I read one and then another and then another and I consciously stopped. Some were bizarre, some made me realize that I'd never be a hot shot writer, some made me realize that I'd be a best seller if I ever became one, some made me realize that people write about anything and everything and some made me realize that this world's full of highly creative people and some made me realize that the English language has so many words and so many that I need to learn to make up for lacklustre vocabulary and some made me realize the books I wanted to read and some made me realize the wonderful and innovative world of blog titles and... phew!!!!

The point is that there a couple of billion people out there and everyone wants to be heard.
Everyone's trying to make a point somehow. Chaos, order, matters of consequence and inanities rule. So what? Life is full of contrasts and why not here too!

But if we all shout out our names, imagine the din and cacophony! So we raise our hands at the last straw and want to be rescued, but some of us drown in the melee. Oh well...

By the by...

I had avowed I'd never go there again, so I entered 'DEL'. Yes! (At least not seeing it listed won't remind me of it everytime I blog.)

I finally gained access to an old haunt. I've listed it here.

The weekend's here. Seems relaxed and fun.

Am going to see my favourite actor in a much-hyped movie. I am so afraid that it'd be disappointing. I'm afraid that what I've been told will actually come true.

We're funny aren't we? How we will our fears to come true! It's time to 'crack the code' and not con man any more I say!...:)

TGIF ladies and gentlemen!

Broken promises

She'd avowed never to go there again. She broke her own promise. She lay there seething. While maggots of envy fed on her wounds.

She hurts. Where art thou O Healer of Broken Souls?!

Links!

Write. Read. Comment. Read. Comment. Write. Comment. Write. Read.

It's a huge world out there!

(But we're all linked and it's actually so small. It fits so well in my keyboard!)

Hugs & Kisses!

Don't be afraid of the dark side of the moon.
Don't be afraid of the creeping shadows of age or loneliness.
Don't be afraid of the wrath of unanswered questions.
Don't be afraid of the smog of unfulfilled desires.
Don't be afraid of the millstone of commitment.
Don't be afraid of the lava of a broken heart.
Don't be afraid of the bruises, the abrasions, the fractures of distant dreams.

Don't be afraid. (My lovely friends you know who you are).

When the doorbell of hope rings, find yourself bathed in hugs and clothed in kisses.

"When the worlds gone crazy and it makes no sense
There's only one voice that comes to your defense
The jury's out and your eyes search the room
And one friendly face is all you need to see
If there's one guy, just one guy
Who'd lay down his life for you and die
It's hard to say it
I hate to say it,
but it's probably me"

See? Hugs and kisses don't Sting do they?

Idolised!

Wonder how victory tastes!

I'd like it to taste sweet - I have a sweet tooth.
I'd like it to taste like vodka with lime cordial - it feels good to have it coursing in my veins.
I'd like it to taste like shandy - chilled and tingling and refreshing.
I'd like it to taste like cold coffee topped with chocolate ice cream with Hershey's dripping down the top of the ice cream and down the sides of the frosted glass - it feels heavenly.
I'd like it to taste like...

I'd like to taste it. Period!

Loneliness

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Ness!

Ness who?

'ness you're comfortable in your own skin, learn to befriend loneliness. Age, sex, creed, caste, nationality no bar.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I heard it in his voice. I heard it in his tone. I listened as he spoke.
Loneliness broke through the static of the phone lines.

'Buy a webcam. Download Skype! I can see you when we chat! Buy a microphone and a headset so I can hear you' - all the disguises that he hoped would throw the stalker off the scent. But loneliness is like a blood stain on a crisp white shirt. It sticks.

It's ok my friend. You're not alone. We all have blood on our shirts.

Established

Road rage!!!! Need more control.

"Whoa!" "Look at her!" "Silent whistle!" "Passst...er...hey wait up, turn and look!" "Sneer! Who does she think she is?" "Some people I tell ya, why does she have to sing?" "Oops! Is she crying?" "Neat car!" "Staaaaare! The front grille of the car...peer inside, it's like the mysteries of a woman's heart...perhaps I can solve it!" "Hmmm!" "Hrmph!" "Bitch! Why?" (Perspectives from inside the heads of fellow commuters)

A smile slowly cleaves her face from ear to ear.

Yup! I drive. And yup! I have a car. It's mine.

Smile.

(Watch out swine!!! Will run you down and bury you, you b^%$*&d!)

Brevity!

Soul of discretion...

There's a lady who's the soul of brevity. There's a lot to learn from that.

Let it not all hang out eh?

Reactions!

What would you:
feel
think
say or
perhaps do

if

someone said to you, "I've always wanted to be like you."

O the many phases of a woman!

Firstly ladies and gentlemen, congratulate me. I just landed myself a sparkling new job. Without much ado. Decent monies and fairly ok designation.

I tell you those stars saw it coming! (LOL!). It seems pre-ordained. Now to find love! Ha ha ha!

So I come home and head for the garden where I'm greeted by the happy smiling faces of ma and my aunt. I have this box of sweets which I purchased on my way home to share the sweetness of a personal victory. (Like I was telling Shams, it's not a feeling of elation or the 'top-of-the-world' feeling. It's just a vindication of faith in myself for once and my faith in God. So yes, it feels good you know guys and gals, it does. I guess there's no manna like Faith! There's no greater high than finding out you can do it.)

So to get back to my narrative - am hugged and thumped on the back and I kind of behave my age and not go 'wheeeee' with the children in the garden and smile and accept the congratulations gracefully and of course there are the neighbours, the children's mothers who partake of the goings-on.

Then we make our way home. Followed by 3 moppets (girls) who love ma and love to play in our house though there's nothing mind you which would seem enticing and entertaining to children of 3 and 4. Anyway, so there they were singing and chatting and playing with dough, and having a good time. And after I recounted to my ma almost every detail of the 'Ceremony of the Appointment Letter' and the outrageously flirtatious but humourous HR dude making the offer, walked in the mother of the girls playing at home. She lives 2 apartments away on the same floor.

Smart, educated, slightly over bearing but depressed and lonely. How do I know that? Because she spoke to me about how she felt. And I heard and listened. Perhaps I was the only one who had listened to her in a while. So the outpouring of 'I feel so sluggish, so envious, so useless' were not mere emotions of a young 33 year old home maker, but a poignant expression of a 'seeker of identity'.

I spoke with her and hopefully didn't sound matronly or pedagogic or 'The Smug One Giving Advice'. She went away feeling grateful, saying that she's going to come over and talk more often and get inspired (yeah yeah, I know, but it's true!) and be more focused and do something about her 'road to nowhere' (seemingly) life.

And I mentioned to her that it's really a phase! You're a career woman, then a home maker, a mother and then a person in need to establish her own identity again. Through work or anything else than just minding children, or dusting the furniture or wondering what to cook, etc. I'm not a feminist. I want my man (where art thou?) and the pleasures of being pampered and indulged for being a woman. I will burn my bra only because the underwired for more than 12 hrs can cause breasts to feel constrained and who knows lead to skin cancer (apparently!) or of course for pure pleasure (yes men, drool unabashedly and let your imagination rule...LOL!). It's not about denigrating the homemaker, it's not about an ideologue, it's not about devolution or dilution of a woman at home, nor is it about 'woman in the boardroom', or deifying the 'independent, career oriented dominatrix (phew, got to use that term, yes!), or any thing at all. It's purely about the emancipation of women. By that I mean, the age-old battle of finding out the answer to the eternal question dogging most human kind, 'who am I?'. I will not write a treatise nor is this a well-researched, thought-provoking dissertation on the great divide - of women who do and women who do but have another playing ground other than home and hearth.

But I realized two things:
a) I related to people beautifully - people heard me and liked what they heard. Am I blowing my own trumpet? Sure! And not one bit ashamed of it.

b) That it's important to have your own identity and independence - emotional, physical and material and financial. Nothing is 'forever' when it comes to that great, mossy, fuzzy, electric thinggamijig called 'relationships' and by that I mean the entire gamut, yes, the whole shebang. I'm not waxing eloquent about how wonderful it is to be working and having your own money etc., but the fact of the matter is, it is elevating, the feeling of freedom, however notional.

And thus comes the end of this saga. Nothing is black or white. Many shades of grey between. And life is about recognizing those greys and saying ,'yes I like orange, and man that blue is so cool'. Now that's what I'd call psychedelia. Floyd, dig that!

Oh something that I need to record ere I bid adieu - R to Shams over Y!msngr - 'I don't know what to do with life anymore. So I get upset and then I try and dream again...'

Will someone ever write, 'Blogs of R - Realization, Rejuvenation, Resurrection'. Now there's a thought. Just a peep into another phase of a woman. Hallelujah!

Forgive the prolificacy!

Just trying to feed a need! That never seems to be assuaged!


Yours truly,
Always hungry!

When?

Of everything. Perhaps forever. Some answers lie at the end of forever. Forever is a long time coming. Answers are perforce never forthcoming.

Dedications!

'Yaaron' from Rockford by KK

Yaaron dosti badi hi haseen hai
Yeh na ho to kya phir
Bolo yeh zindgi hai
Koi to ho raajdaar
Be garaj tera ho
yaar..."

Some of my all time favourite Hindi movie songs are:
a) Tujhse naraaz nahin zindagi hairaan hoon main - Masoom
b) Jab koi baat bigad jaaye, jab koi mushkil pad jaaye, tum dena saath mera o hum nawaa' - Jurm
c) Pyaar ke mod pe, chodoge jo baahen meri - Parinda
d) Tum se mil kar, aisa laga, tum se mil kar, armaan hue poore dil ke - Parinda
e) Tere bina jeeya jaaye na - Ghar
f) Phir wahi raat hai, phir wahi raat hai khwaab ki - Ghar
g) Aaj kal paaon zameen par nahin girate mere - Ghar
h) Aap ke aanhkhon main kuch, mehke hue se khwaab hain - Ghar
i) Seene main jalan aankhon main toofan sa kyon hain - Gaman
j) Ranjish hee sahi, dil hi dukhane ke liye aa - Ghulam Ali (?)
k) Tere bina zindagi se koi shikvaa toh nahin - Aandhi
l) Is mod se jaate hain - Aandhi

And lots lots more...but, ..., but... you know, there's no, I mean, (forget it)...

Someday, someone will sing...
"You fill up my senses like a night in the forest..."

And that will be the day (for the singer and the listener... now go figure who's who! But honestly does anyone care?)

Maybe!

I think I'll take a print-out of this entire blog and send it to a poor publisher. Market myself as the female Paulo Coelho. :))

And then feel rejected. Dejected. And begin all over again.

Phew!

Hey friend!

Don't worry. This too shall pass. And you will find a way. You will look up at the stars and feel the breeze caress your cheek and ruffle your hair. You will feel glad to be alive.

Why don't you kick the clutter and dump it in the gutter? (Yes, yes, I'm a fine one giving you advice, but for whatever it's worth, friend, take it).

Right now I can't think of anything to write of note that is so beautiful or lyrical or so moving or so inspirational. All I can do is hope for you.

One day I will tell you a story. A story that demonstrates that He forgives even fools (me) and gives them the nth chance to lead a happy life. One day you will find that life is indeed rich and its tapestry so wondrous that you wouldn't have it any other way. Your tears are the heavy rains that the field of Life has been soaking up. They may mist your eyes, but they also clear it and give it a sparkle. Your life is yours and your experiences, however heart wrenching, yield the fruits of your labour. Yes, they make you You. You are the fruit of all that labour of love and longing and grief and darkness and brief moments of happiness. So dear friend, just let her go. And hold your head high. And soak up the sun. And the stars. (Please).

'Look at the stars, look how they shine for you,
And everything you do' (Coldplay - Yellow)

Is it really pre-ordained?

Capricorn nee Aquarius - This month's going to be a whopper of a success. Career? Man o man, you ask and it shall be yours. Romance aah romance! For those attached, single, dating, seeking, this month is simply reeking of romance. Your lucky dates of course are anywhere between 1 and 31 and colours are as varied as the CMYK palette. So what are you waiting for? Go out there and have a blast! It's pre-ordained that you're one lucky babe! (Sigh!)

Well, whatever it is that the stars have decided to have in store for me, not one astrologer, not one astrology site, nor column mentioned that I'd do nothing but be a couch potato today.

S-t-r-e-t-c-h!!! I've done nothing but stretch out on the rocking chair or the sofa watching TV from morn till nightfall. It's been fun. With absolutely no deadline ticking in the back of my mind, the sheer thrill of not having to do anything, anything at all is a wonderful feeling. Elevating.

I'm content today. Because I started my 'Diet Diaries' as I'd promised myself and I have a reader of my blogs who says she has been following my blogs for a while now. Not bad R, not bad at all. You have a reader besides Irf who is anyways into his own grief stricken, confused and complicated world to spend too much time reading what I write (which is depressing and so obfuscating sometimes that even I can't make head nor tail of it) nowadays. So hey, yipppppeeeee! It's time for celebration. Put your hands in the air and give me a high-five. I'm saved from a complete breakdown. Yes!!!!

And I learnt some lovely new words today.

For instance my blogs can be very ponderous and leviathan but thankfully they're not a hagiography read by those smelling of Gitanes and I'm glad to find out that I'm not an apostate.
There! I did it. A whole bloody sentence with the words that I discovered today.

And hey, everytime I think my posts should be more lyrical or more impressive with choice of vocabulary, but but but, you know what guys and girls! When Dan Brown of the famous/infamous Da Vinci trail wrote his essay in school where he described in poetic detail about every fissure, every blade of grass and mountain top of whichever place he'd visited, his English teacher returned the paper with red circles on most of the words, gave him a C- with a remark, "Simpler is better!"

Yo yo yo! I know I can still make it as a writer. There's hope, always hope!

But yes, I need to introduce some humour, some wit, some pungency, some urgency. On the other hand, sweetie, the stars have ordained a great life for you henceforth. Everything you do, say, or otherwise, will have only a positive effect.

S-t-r-e-t-c-h!!!! That's what the stars are doing ma maan! They're making a short story long and garnishing all that is not real with a little bit of that magic that you need to desperately believe that the world's one HUGE Allianz arena and I'm the drama queen and everyone's soon going to stand up and give such an applause that it can be heard across the Black Forest and beyond. Oh yes! But life's a stretch ain't it? Just stretch your imagination, your limits of patience, your fortitude, your possibilities, your forbearance and lo and behold, you're home a winner!

Go baby go! It's in the stars today. (Even a handful of stardust won't be bad eh? At least it'd prove I'd s-t-r-e-t-c-h-e-d!!! LOL!)

Oriah Mountain Dreamer

Check this authoress out and read the excerpts from her books on
http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/

You will thank me for the same. (Or like the rest of the world, maybe think I'm a dominatrix barring the S & M).

Whatever!

Of Dominatrix & Redux!

www.m-w.com says:

Main Entry: do·mi·na·trix
Pronunciation: "dä-mi-'nA-triks
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural do·mi·na·trices /-'nA-tr&-sEz, -n&-'trI-sEz/Etymology: Latin, feminine of dominator: a woman who physically and psychologically dominates and abuses her partner in sadomasochistic sex; broadly : a dominating woman

I don't know if I like this definition. Dominatrix aka a broad, hateful, vicious, Amazon with a heart of diamonds.

Main Entry: re·dux
Pronunciation: (")rE-'d&ks, 'rE-"
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin, returning, from reducere to lead back: brought back -- used postpositively.

Incidentally www.dictionary.com also gives the same definition with one more addition, 'returned'.

So how does one use this new-age word that finds itself into everyday but esoteric vocabulary?

Post positively!

The rise of the dominatrix redux?

Down and out!

Saw the hands of depression reaching out for the jugular. Choked.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being!

Wish that were true. (Have I used this title for one of my earlier posts? So?)

I have this insane urge to:

Throw things
Climb walls like Spiderwoman and clean up the cob webs.
Play squash relentlessly for 2 hrs till my heart gives up. And I pass out. For good.
To go rat-a-tat-tat-rat-a-tat-tat-rat-a-tat-tat ceaselessly on a punching bag. Till I draw first blood. And pass out.
To tear each and every page of every book that I possess and tear it to shreds. Shred it.
To swim 100 laps (like I used to once upon a time) and feel my heart burst out of its skin. And sink.
To basically just vent some spleen man.

SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cruisin

Am in the mood to be viciously maudlin!

So here goes...

Lyrics of Cruisin - Huey Lewis feat. Gwyneth Paltrow (that skinny blonde that the world God-F...ing-knows-why finds beautiful)

Baby lets goAway from here
Dont be confused
The way is clear
And if you want it you got it forever
This is not a one-night stand, baby, so...
Let the music take your mind
Just release and you will find

Chorus:Youre gonna fly away

Glad youre going my way
I love it when were cruisin together
Music is played for love
Cruisin it made for love
I love it when were cruisin together

Baby tonight
Belongs to us
Everything is right
Do what you must
And inch by inch we get closer and closerT
o every little part of each other, ooh baby, yeah, so...

Let the music take your mind
Just release and you will find

Repeat chorus

Cruise with me baby
Ooh, oohOhh, ooh
Oh baby lets cruise
Lets float, lets glide
Ohh lets open up and go inside
And if you want it you got it forever
I could just stay here beside you and love you babySo...

Let the music take your mind
Just release and you will find
Repeat chorus (2x)

I love the song. (But just realized that the lyrics are pretty suggestive. So? It's better than 'my hump my hump my hump' or 'give it to me baby uh huh uh huh').

He who hesitates is lost!

I absolutely love Grey's anatomy! The serial is wonderful, because it's human. It's a lot like Chicago Hope or ER. But it is young and fun and humane. Now I like that.

This episode was all about 'Fear' - fear of rejection, fear of pain, fear of making a decision, fear of not knowing, fear of wondering. Fear is a crazy thing. It can spur or curb. The choice is really with us.

Like my fear of never being able to write a pithy or a complete tongue-in-cheek (Kurt Vonnegut style) account of whatever it is that I want to write about. Like my fear of being wanted and finding out that I never was and never will be. Like my fear of never writing a book. Like my fear of finding out that I will die alone. Like my fear of never being able to have a baby (actually am beginning to believe that). Like my fear of never being heroic enough to adopt a baby. Like my fear of dying a raving lunatic. Like my fear of never being able to travel to all the places that I really want to - Peru, Greece, Brazil, Holland, Bhutan, Meghalaya, Arunachal, Orissa, Pakistan and South Africa (among many others of course, but these are important and up there in the list and again not in this order). Like my fear of losing my hair and teeth and the elasticity of my skin. Like my fear of ageing ungracefully. Like my fear of being awash in tears and no one to say, 'hey sweetheart, it's ok, and it will all be alright'. Like my fear of finding out who I am and not liking what I find out. Like my fear of never being able to meet Spielberg and telling him how much I admire him and his unwavering support for the Jews. Like my fear of never being able to eat chocolate due to diabetes. Like my fear of never seeing my father again before he dies (dammit!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Like my fear of never making my mother proud. Like my friends never understanding me. Like my fear of having a stroke when I'm driving because of road rage.
Like my fear of having a writer's block. Like my insatiable need to be loved for who I am and not for what everyone thinks I am.

And like...yeah, like fearing fear itself.

(I can never ever write a one line blog ever. I have verbal diarrohoea. No wonder... yeah, no wonder!)

But as I was saying about this episode of Grey's anatomy, besides fear being the key, it was all about well known aphorisms that we give so much lip-service to - he who hesitates is lost, a stitch in time saves nine, seize the day, and so on.

And yeah, the lady who let a tumour grow so big that it resembled a pig, ignored the hospital because she feared the hospital, she feared that if she went in one, she wouldn't come out again alive. She feared. Her fears came true.

And thus we all live in fear. Hoping it won't come true. And then magically...it does. Fear is truth? Or is fear belief? And belief truth? But I think it was Neale Donald Walsch's 'Conversations with God' where he mentioned about 'we make our fears come true'.

Which brings me to another aphorism - B +ve.

Carpe Diem!

Leprechauns, Barmitzvahs and Orkut!

So there I was watching yet another repeat of some old season of 'Friends' and there was Phoebe telling Rachel that she couldn't come to her fake wedding as she was busy. Busy? Rachel looks at her saying, 'give me another' and Phoebe says, 'Yup, I've got a Leprechaun Barmitzvah to attend'. A Leprechaun Barmitzvah? I mean of course I'd read about leprechauns, but I wasn't sure of the exact meaning.

My dear old friend Wikipedia says that Leprechauns are creatures from Irish mythology and were originally faeries (check out the spelling) and when Jew girls and boys come of age, they become Bar mitzvah and hold your breath, Bat mitzvah! Now I've heard it all! Check it out at:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Barmitzvah

And what's with this Orkut community thinggie that seems to be the rage right now! I've sent out invitations and all that yeah, but it's kind of boring and am thinking of deleting my account permanently. I was mortified when someone I don't know put me on his 'ignore' list. What the heck! Man I visited your f*&^%ing page, so? I wasn't about to stalk you and send you mushy messages and have little smileys saying 'Oooooooh, you're so cuuuuuute!' or have little not-very-well-done graphic hearts implying that I find you 'hot'. I mean for crying out loud! Grow up guys!

Anyway, all this brings me to one conclusion - boring blog, boring orkut personality and very angry me. (Yeah, some things do piss me off!). Should I feel sorry or miserable and writhe in anxiety about my social ratings not matching the criterial of 'uber cool' and groan in self-pity? Awwww...I have other things to worry about and loathe myself for.

F%$# Orkut!

Gimme a leprechaun will ya? (They're rich and they're full of mischief. Sounds like fun eh?)

Laugh for no reason at all!

Advice to friend over chat. (Sheesh! I hate that term, but that's what it was when I mentioned it to Shams. I love to chat with her. She's my listening board! Love ya lady!)

Few snippets from that chat that seemed good to reproduce! Nothing fancy, nothing rib-tickling, not a great read, just something that struck me.

"Just be!"

"Saving my neuroses for last!"

"Fed up! But still hanging on like a really old, jaded, faded coat on a rusty hanger! (For whatever it's worth!)"

"I should be feeling on top of the world right now, but am not. I want my country! I want my friends!"

"Clueless about what I'm searching or seeking. Peace and happiness are prime, but there's more."

"I want to make good in the next 5 years. Do good for ma and friends and then just bid adieu!"

"I don't have control over my fears."

"But don't you see, they're controlling you?"

Doesn't matter who said what, and may not be verbatim, but this is what was said and more.

And the questions rage on as always.

What? When? Where? Which?

Time to swallow the lump in the throat. Time to draw the curtain of tears aside. Time to just keep walking.

If anyone has unravelled the mystery called LIFE, you know where to find me. I'd be eternally grateful.

Till such time, let me continue chasing the shadows of all that I believe is true and pure and good and wholesome.

(James Blunt, did you have to come on now?? Dammit!! I know the world's beautiful, if only I could say the same of myself!)

Still bored...

... very very bored. Or would I blog twice a day?

Would I write inanities that didn't go upto 1000 word diatribes? (Yes, actually,...tee hee hee).

And could I get more comments on my blog about how they/he/she/it likes my post?

Merci beaucoup.

Aside - The Ikea CD racks on either side of the wrought iron masks are looking (pause), simply superb! (There! I've done it. I bragged!). Nice idea mom. Merci.

I have quite a CD collection. Hmmm...(There! I'm blowing the trumpet again).

Still bored...

Bored!

Nothing to write or talk about.

Gamer? Who you? Do you just give reviews of all the electronic gizmos? Oh well...

Bored...

Blank!

Nothing comes to mind where titles are concerned.

Am jealous and envious of someone and something (are jealousy and envy the same thing?).

Am relaxed yet completely wound up!

Is it ok to be jealous and envious? After all it's a human emotion. So how much slack do we cut ourselves for these supposedly negative and not very healthy emotions?

I don't cut any. I don't like being jealous or envious. But I am.

I'm also beginning to think that the 'funny bone' is the rib that was not taken from Man to create Woman. God intended Man to be the funny one. And Woman to be the woe-filled, hard working, child-bearing and marginalized 'other half'. That's why I think humour comes easier to men than women.

I'm also beginning to wonder if that is the reason why I can't laugh or perhaps forgive some of the relatives that I don't have a choice of being related to. Sometimes I want to gnash my teeth and let loose an explosive blood curdling scream of angst and an explosion of expletives because I'm hurt, tired and hate their behaviour, attitude and sometimes their success. Whoever said comparisons are odious knew what he/she was talking about. But then I come back to the fact that I am human and by default have an emotion called anger or even jealousy and envy and thus cannot help comparing. And thus it's okay to feel anger, jealousy and envy. Quod erat demonstradum!

But I began by saying I'm jealous of someone and something. It's not my relatives.

It doesn't matter. I will hopefully, move beyond, that sometimes demeaning sometimes empowering emotion and emerge powerful and mature and whole in my own right.

Right now, I am feeling uncomfortable. I'm feeling rejected. I'm feeling bad, sad, mad. Nothing new, but that's ok. This is my blog and I will write what I feel.

Ok! It's time for me to go bang that door really loudly! Maybe it'll make me feel good. I'm hoping the anger dissipates.

Or better still, I wish I could just pass out. Run so hard and so fast that I pass out. Yes, it'd nice to be a blank. And perhaps start afresh.

B +ve

May Day! May Day! May Day!

Yup. Recognized as World Labour Day, it's declared a public holiday. Ok whatever.

Like 'let go', 'be positive' is another mantra that is chanted by one and all.

• So you lose a job. It might not be ok, but hey, 'you gotta B +ve. Life could start afresh for you literally and figuratively.
• So you look back and find the rolls of fat around your midriff and feel miserable, but 'B +ve' lady, as it's not the end of the world to get rid of all that meat.
• So you have bad hair days more often than having great Jennifer Aniston kind of hair days and you can still 'B +ve'.
• Boyfriends and girlfriends alike ignore you for months on end. Some don't even recognize you. You read about how you need to accept the fact that friends and loved ones are the only ones who have the power to hurt you because you care. So it's cool, hang loose and 'B +ve'.
• Is this a diatribe? Awwww...no, just B +ve.
• So when you want to gorge on junk food at home and be a slob while watching CSI or some insipid news channel with some earnest-to-goodness, young, wanna-so-badly-make-an-impression on the impressionable public cub reporter and find that there is no Maggi or mayo then all you have to do is...yup, 'B +ve'.
• Early start to the day...O 'tis gonna be a wonderful day tra la la la la la. Blue skies, warm sun, great music, all set for the not-so-bad-after-all office and lovely drive, no red signals and suddenly, the car sputters, eyes travel to the fuel gauge and gauge the 'E' and then the mind furiously goes into the rosary chanting 'B+ve'
• You write the post that's been buzzing in your head for a while and you think, aah, this can be a cool read, and will get some comments, maybe and then days and weeks pass and the pact of anonyomity that I desired is maintained, but I can still 'B+ve'
• And it goes on and on and on and on and on and on...uh oh, even Duracell died. So what, just 'B +ve'.

What if I was A -ve and not B+ve? I might be in need for some transfusion, what say O?