What a roller coaster...wheeeeee!

Oh man, it's been crazy this past week. Lots of ups and downs, professionally and personally. Lots of mood swings (nothing new really, for all those who know me), lots of depression and lots of existential questions whirring round in the mind like an old ceiling fan on its last legs having seen better days.

But I'm excited as I'm off on vacation. Not to any exotic location, but to the Middle East of Asia. (Is it really the Middle East?).

The sheer bliss of not having to think of work for one whole week. YES!!! One whole week! Sigh!

Cheerio invisible reader and oh ere I bid adieu for a week, just one question.

How do you get a man to get interested in you? (Does this sound like a desperate question? Actually it isn't...it's just a seriously nonplussed and curiously clueless query.)

Like I see this dude at the personal care store - jeans, tee and a cap, checking out some stuff - good looking surely, but importantly ALONE! And not the typical chocolate boy good looks, but a certain intelligent kinda face with a certain je ne sais quoi. I tried not to look blatantly at him, tried not to drop things, tried not to turn around and stare, tried not to foolishly walk up to him and smile wordlessly, tried to still a racing heart and stop my knees from shaking (of course it's exaggeration and one must take these things with a pinch of salt) and tried to stop wishing upon an invisible star for things that one sorely lacked. Gosh! Why couldn't life get a bit reel? Girl chances upon boy (woman really), boy stares back, finds himself behind woman at cash counter, starts a conversation and ends up having coffee with woman and exchanging numbers. Ooooooooh! (What the hell am I oooohing for, I mean let's get real here!)

Hey, this is moi! Hard on luck, love, no humour, no looks, and not even decent vocabulary to save my life for Lord Krishna's sake (just a twist from the oft repeated Christ...not bad eh?) or the moolah. Damn!!!!


Oh sorry, but one more question. Pretty please...is it possible to get attracted to someone you've never met? Someone who cracks you up with his/her sense of humour and a certain intelligence and again that je ne sais quoi? And if yes, then what do you do about it?

(Just shut the F^%$ up and go on a vacation. After all...impossible is nothing.)

Na jaane kyon...

... am very very very upset.

And it's not just the periods.

Stay away if you don't want your head bitten off. I'm in a vicious mood.

(What the hell is wrong with me? Like anyone gives a flying f#$% if I feel good or bad.)

How come life always seems to be smiling at the whole bloody world except you-know-who?

Thud! Punch! Bam bam bam! Shoot! Shatterrrrrr! Bang!!

Torn! To shreds! Feeling all those little pieces of yourself !!!! (Grow up lady! About time you learnt to accept a few truths. NOWHERE is NOW-HERE and you ain't going anywhere...)

Turning off the lights!

PS - To some nitpickety soul out there,' happy birthday for the 10th of March'. (Like he cares, like anybody cares, like the folks out there who say they do, like...LIARS!!!)

Sic!

Oh Damn That Twinge!

There's much that runs through the mind
When the eye sees visions of love
And the heart feels the twinge of passion

There's much that runs through the mind
When he holds her and feels her love
And she looks at him through the veil of love

There's much that runs through the mind
When the wondrous drops of rain form a film (of love)
And the coupling of hearts and bodies throw shadows (of love)

There's much that runs through the mind
When the soul cries out in her voice for love (remembered)
And knows the certainty of loneliness in love (for death do them part)

There's much that runs through the mind
When one sees the flitting images on film
And reminisces of the yearning... of love

So yeah, I saw the movie If Only and it had me teary eyed and made me want to throw something at the TV screen for making me want all that I try so desperately not to feel or want. That makes me go the silent scream way....S-C-R-E-A-MMMM!!!!!!!!

----- xx ----- xx ----- xx ----- xx

So
If Only... Life Wouldn't Throw Googlies
If Only... Life Was a Piece of Cake (one can't get to the cream and cake as one's too busy putting out the flames burning bright and causing a smoke screen for the happiness that lies just beyond it)
If Only...love didn't have to go away
If Only... love would stay...just a little while, for me to get tanned in its warmth...
If Only... that thumping, beating, pumping, feeling bloody heart wouldn't be flooded so, and I could just breathe easy
If Only all that friends say came true (for once )
If Only the flood of belief was as wet and encompassing as the tears of pain
If Only...I...if only...love...if only it...I... oh I don't know dammit, I guess, I wish I didn't hurt so much. Damn!

Ominous beginning to a busy weekend. (Why did I see the movie? Damn damn damn damn damn damn, hell and damnation!)

Damn that twinge! (Go away. I can't cry my eyes out like this man, not anymore...)

If Only there was someone to give me the pack of tissues! What an issue eh?

Empty!

No title for a blog comes to mind. Lots of ideas on what I could write about do come to mind.

But not in the mood to really dissect the world. Not today. Not right now.

However, yes, however (I like the sound of however) I saw a strange sight today while driving home from work. A brokedown truck, the usual garland of stones framing its perimeter to alert passing traffic, and a strange glow bathing this pouvre brokedown truck and just when you think you've seen everything, you see this blazing flame lighting the truck, giving it that warm glow and then the piece de resistance - the flame is under the truck - somewhere near the fuselage or is it called the fuel tank? - and you shudder and think if the guy tinkering the belly of the truck is thinking - and the frightening thought of a conflagration and shower of metal, flesh and godknowswhatelse unfurls in the mind - shudderrrrr!!!

Ok so now I want to know why I have only 158 views of my profile? How do I increase this? How do I keep stock of who's visiting my blog?

Hey, I want to write an insightful, (I'm at a loss for vocabulary here...pause!), basically a piece on Amitabh Bachchan. When I see him in the promos of Sarkar, I fall in love with him all over again.

Hey, LaunchCast Radio is really cool - and hey, did you know there was a group called Goat? Goat mind you? Yes, Goat! Gosh! It's playing some song called 'All my friends' - so is the lead vocalist meaning, sheep, cows, and sundry other animals? Maybe he should've called his band 'Animal Farm' and I don't know if Mr.Orwell would've approved, but hey, this is a rock band sir, whatdayaknow and guys with long hair, an electric guitar, torn jeans, tattoos, gravelly voices and headbanging skills can get away with anything.

And guess what! Of all the things in the world, I missed that historic cricket match!!!! S Africa vs. Australia with more than 850 runs being scored and the second team winning with 2 balls to spare and romping home to a thundrous victory. 435 runs for crying out loud! and 438 to the winning team - are they making bats laced with steel and are the balls actually tennis balls or the boundaries shorter, or like the bionic man, the batters have 20:20 no 40:40 vision with reflexes that are faster than REM and oh well, basically I missed it! I just bloody missed it and it's at times like this when I realize that being a workaholic is so not happening, uh huh, no no no, I need to get a life - and missing cricket matches like this is life - and I need to do something about tugging at this life which seems to be billowing in the wind. Boo hoo hoo!

Where's my ambition of being the salsa queen and the female version of Eric Clapton the guitarist or an expert bungee jumper or the fluid and fantastic river rafter gone? At least I've attempted all of this (except the bungee jump), so no regrets, but haven't pursued it. Sigh!

Hey there! And thus a blog post is born! (With inane mundane trivia about life and trucks and goats..:) and wait a minute, there's Train now...LOL!)

Hey there friend! I dedicate this post to you, you're my biggest and only fan.

Maybe...er... I have an idea for my next post already. (Nice...very nice!goodie...)

Am looking forward to my 10 day vacation, starting in 2 weeks from now. I'm half dead now, and by the time the vacation commences I'll be phully dead. I need that break.

Burp!

PS - The Economist has written a nice article on Dubya (apro George Bush baba) visiting the ISB (Indian School of Business) and making a comment on it being international and giving the Yankee Univs. a run for their money and how it's all baloney, etc. And that reminds me...US$ 193, 000 for an IIM-B campus recruit. What's the world coming to eh? What the hell was I doing when God was dishing out luck and brains and beauty and all that jazz...busy filling out a form and being shunted from pillar to post just for a name...and my surname is truly a 4-letter word and is such a delusion of grandeur! Blimey and baloney!

They're playing Goo Goo Dolls but not Iris. Oh Iris Iris...where art thou?

So tell me Irf, would you buy my book?..:) And don't tell me 'of course love' but be honest as only best friends can be however hurtful it might be. And more importantly what should I write about?

Finito!

Angst, Futility & Yoga!

Heaps of it. By the tonne. It's been piling up. Bit by bit by bit. It's going to eventually kill me. I don't want to die of so much angst though.

But...

"Can you not please send a technician who is closest to where I'm currently located in my car that won't start? I'm in the heart of the city on the most famous road right near a junction. And you're telling me that a technician can come only in 45 mins. from an area which is about 12 kms away? Because that's the rule and that's the jurisdiction that this road falls under?"

Just a frantic call from one hapless, helpless car customer to an Online Car Helpline. Does one really need to get in a lather about this? C'mon, now, R, give yourself a break.

"What in the name of...f%^&#ng a#$h*&%...does he have to decide to change lanes right in front of the nose of my car...watch out, that blo&%dy cyclist...help me, I won't get parking...huh? Why is that khaki clad, bored looking copper giving my car a knowing look like, 'aah, gotcha, my hafta for the day...nice way to begin' kinda look, and what the...he's taking my car # down..the signal was green dammit and what about the blooming nincompoop changing lanes at the last moment without turning his indicator on and the moronic, on a death-wish cyclist...why me...?"

Just the thought running through my head when rushing to work so that I can get that elusive car parking space and beat the dreadful traffic and get into work when it's nice and quiet and get some reading done in the half hour or so that you get before the 'others' get in and the madness begins and the peace is shattered and you get sucked into the quagmire of a busy hectic nerve racking flak-filled day. Angst and me? Naah! Not me...?!

"Is this Ms R M? Madam I'm calling from whatchamacallit godforsaken born-to-irritate-the-hell-out-of-you and believe it or not am paid for this where all I get to hear is rude, ready-to-bite-my ears off insanely busy people, but I gotta do what I gotta do, so hey, do you want a loan, a credit card, a home, a car, maybe a hair cut, a computer, er..what about a diamond pendant? Anything madam almost anything (except perhaps a vibrator ahem! we're not yet so blatantly in your face sexually blatant, but not to worry that's coming soon too) on loan. Can I take a minute of your time?"

Now how can anyone get angry at the pouvre woman who's just trying to earn her daily bread, forgive her O Lord! And thank ye for the men who put her up to this. Sigh! Is there a point in letting the bile gett the better of you? Futile eh?

"Oh dear God! What do I do? I'm disturbed. I don't do a thing. I'm a no-gooder. I'm sick. It's dead. It's mangled. And it won't get a decent burial. It'll just be run over like it was in the first place. Did it howl? I...oh damn! I don't have the decency. Sorry seems to be the saddest and sorriest word right now. Ugh! No guts no glory! I'll never get the glory."

Thought running through my head as I see the trodden and mangled carcass of the dog. Wheels of thought whirr in my head as I drive past. Just another day in paradise! Some weep, some drive on! I'm guilty O Lord! Oh the futility of it all...

"You categorize some women as miscellaneous." Outrageous? If yes, why? If no, why not? An innocuous statement to make perhaps, but it seems veiled with a certain chauvinistic deep-seated misogynistic archtypal superior male attitude. Well, am not a bra-burning (with the kind of clothes women decide to wear these days, bras are the thing to wear anyway) Germaine Greer (she's an outdated, passe feminist) type, but that seemed like a slightly offensive statement. Of course maybe in the context of why it was made, it seems perfectly in order, but..

Oh well! Men will be men and women will continue to be the weird, unfathomable, mysterious, gorgeous, fantastic human beings they are. Will continue to delight, mystify, and get under your skin. And men? Hmm! Well what do you know! They'll continue to be the 'let's take a potshot', 'see her T & A wooo!', 'uh huh uh huh uh huh', 'Yes, sure, er...what did you say?', 'sports rules! yo!', 'mother's cooking is best', and....futile to go on? Don't we know whatever there is to know and all that is wrong and right about either sex? Reams of newsprint, reels of film et al haven't deciphered the species from Mars and Venus, so why even try? There's no new spin that I can give now can I? But , 'some women as miscellaneous'? Hrmph!

"Breathe in, hold 1, 2, 3, 4, breathe out, hold 5, 6, 7, breathe in, hold, 1, 2, 3, 4, breathe out, hold... Padmansana, Tadasana, Dhanurasana, Surya namaskara, Vajrasana, ... let go of the thoughts that come into your head, don't control them, let them come and go...stretch, yes, no no, straight up, yes, that's better, stretch some more,..."

There's a certain calm. The mind feels relaxed. When angst gives way to futility to serenity to nirvana. Yes, yoga helps. Try it.

Yahoo! Radio is cool. The new broadband connection at home is cool too. My new comp. with the fancy new cordless mouse and keyboard and new config. is cool too.

So does life rock? Not if, on a weekend you have to hear foul things from a four-letter word. Boss!

"March!March!March!"

"My feet are killing me!" a classic dialogue from a classic film by a classic character. The wife of the Elephant General or Elephant Brigadier or what you will from The Jungle Book.

What's with March by the way? Ides of March et al. (March is merrily marching along to the 15th and it's a Holi day strangely enough. Well well, one religion's poison is another's meat eh? Different strokes for different folks.)

The power situation in Bangalore sucks!

Santana rocks!

My computer sucks!

My friends rock!

And here's something that tickled me - last evening as I was sitting at Koshy's listening to Amit and watching him sip tea poured from a lovely quaint tea pot, I sent a message to all my boy friends. The gist of it was they had to find me a boy friend in 24 hrs or I'd curse them with constipation for a week. Sick? Maybe!

The responses I got were howlarious! Oh yes, my friends rock! (Wish I rocked too man... seriously).

Read the paper by the incandescent light of a battery operated, hand-held tubelight. Moral of the story? It's good when the power supply is in short supply and there are no distractions of the TV or radio. And The Hindu is a wonderful paper. And there's a lot that is wrong with this world (as usual) and there's a lot that is being done to right the wrong...downside? Not fast enough and not enough!

Let's all get into RDB mode - yeah! Rubaroooooo....Roshneeee....

Or just yodel like George (gay) Michael and sing 'Freedom', shake a leg, and feel satisfied.

"I think there's something you should know...There's something deep inside me...
All we have to do now..." hmmmm...."I don't belong to you...and you don't belong to me..."

It's good to be free. It's good to say and write your mind (well not quite, but almost)....and...

This above post has been written under extreme duress and is a product of a very strained and mindless mind. It does not bear resemblance to anything remotely sensible or intellectual (let alone intelligible). The lyrics quoted are in part from the song "Freedom" and I lay no claim in part or thereof to its originality. Pardon the verbiage. And ahem!, er...mmm....as this disclaimer claims...

Pause.