Angst, Futility & Yoga!

Heaps of it. By the tonne. It's been piling up. Bit by bit by bit. It's going to eventually kill me. I don't want to die of so much angst though.

But...

"Can you not please send a technician who is closest to where I'm currently located in my car that won't start? I'm in the heart of the city on the most famous road right near a junction. And you're telling me that a technician can come only in 45 mins. from an area which is about 12 kms away? Because that's the rule and that's the jurisdiction that this road falls under?"

Just a frantic call from one hapless, helpless car customer to an Online Car Helpline. Does one really need to get in a lather about this? C'mon, now, R, give yourself a break.

"What in the name of...f%^&#ng a#$h*&%...does he have to decide to change lanes right in front of the nose of my car...watch out, that blo&%dy cyclist...help me, I won't get parking...huh? Why is that khaki clad, bored looking copper giving my car a knowing look like, 'aah, gotcha, my hafta for the day...nice way to begin' kinda look, and what the...he's taking my car # down..the signal was green dammit and what about the blooming nincompoop changing lanes at the last moment without turning his indicator on and the moronic, on a death-wish cyclist...why me...?"

Just the thought running through my head when rushing to work so that I can get that elusive car parking space and beat the dreadful traffic and get into work when it's nice and quiet and get some reading done in the half hour or so that you get before the 'others' get in and the madness begins and the peace is shattered and you get sucked into the quagmire of a busy hectic nerve racking flak-filled day. Angst and me? Naah! Not me...?!

"Is this Ms R M? Madam I'm calling from whatchamacallit godforsaken born-to-irritate-the-hell-out-of-you and believe it or not am paid for this where all I get to hear is rude, ready-to-bite-my ears off insanely busy people, but I gotta do what I gotta do, so hey, do you want a loan, a credit card, a home, a car, maybe a hair cut, a computer, er..what about a diamond pendant? Anything madam almost anything (except perhaps a vibrator ahem! we're not yet so blatantly in your face sexually blatant, but not to worry that's coming soon too) on loan. Can I take a minute of your time?"

Now how can anyone get angry at the pouvre woman who's just trying to earn her daily bread, forgive her O Lord! And thank ye for the men who put her up to this. Sigh! Is there a point in letting the bile gett the better of you? Futile eh?

"Oh dear God! What do I do? I'm disturbed. I don't do a thing. I'm a no-gooder. I'm sick. It's dead. It's mangled. And it won't get a decent burial. It'll just be run over like it was in the first place. Did it howl? I...oh damn! I don't have the decency. Sorry seems to be the saddest and sorriest word right now. Ugh! No guts no glory! I'll never get the glory."

Thought running through my head as I see the trodden and mangled carcass of the dog. Wheels of thought whirr in my head as I drive past. Just another day in paradise! Some weep, some drive on! I'm guilty O Lord! Oh the futility of it all...

"You categorize some women as miscellaneous." Outrageous? If yes, why? If no, why not? An innocuous statement to make perhaps, but it seems veiled with a certain chauvinistic deep-seated misogynistic archtypal superior male attitude. Well, am not a bra-burning (with the kind of clothes women decide to wear these days, bras are the thing to wear anyway) Germaine Greer (she's an outdated, passe feminist) type, but that seemed like a slightly offensive statement. Of course maybe in the context of why it was made, it seems perfectly in order, but..

Oh well! Men will be men and women will continue to be the weird, unfathomable, mysterious, gorgeous, fantastic human beings they are. Will continue to delight, mystify, and get under your skin. And men? Hmm! Well what do you know! They'll continue to be the 'let's take a potshot', 'see her T & A wooo!', 'uh huh uh huh uh huh', 'Yes, sure, er...what did you say?', 'sports rules! yo!', 'mother's cooking is best', and....futile to go on? Don't we know whatever there is to know and all that is wrong and right about either sex? Reams of newsprint, reels of film et al haven't deciphered the species from Mars and Venus, so why even try? There's no new spin that I can give now can I? But , 'some women as miscellaneous'? Hrmph!

"Breathe in, hold 1, 2, 3, 4, breathe out, hold 5, 6, 7, breathe in, hold, 1, 2, 3, 4, breathe out, hold... Padmansana, Tadasana, Dhanurasana, Surya namaskara, Vajrasana, ... let go of the thoughts that come into your head, don't control them, let them come and go...stretch, yes, no no, straight up, yes, that's better, stretch some more,..."

There's a certain calm. The mind feels relaxed. When angst gives way to futility to serenity to nirvana. Yes, yoga helps. Try it.

Yahoo! Radio is cool. The new broadband connection at home is cool too. My new comp. with the fancy new cordless mouse and keyboard and new config. is cool too.

So does life rock? Not if, on a weekend you have to hear foul things from a four-letter word. Boss!