Disjointed

Once upon a time there lived a girl. A simple uncomplicated girl, who loved everything that life had to offer and was overjoyed by the art of living. Then she grew up. And life has never been the same since.

Beginnings. Joys. Tears. Fears. Men. Love. Friendship. Hate. Betrayal. Acceptance. Misunderstood. Travel. Solace. Upliftment. Myriad wondrous explorations and discoveries. Womanhood. Dreams. Bruised soul. Shattered aspirations. Food. Money. Raiment. Praise. Flattery. Children. Age. Home. Flattery. Judgment. Death.

Words flow. In no particular order. Each word signifying moments in a life that is oh so grown up. That's the husk. The kernel is still a child. Both so inextricably segued to form a whole.

Life for the little'un is taking a turn again. She hopes and prays it's for the better. Hope! Can one do anything but...?

Life continues... To form a memory. To form a moment. To form a breath. To form a disjointed whole.

(Did this make any sense? I think not...but does everything have to make sense?)

Er...mmm....hrmph!

Couldn't think of a title for the blog! Just like I haven't been able to blog for a while - is it a blogblock? Or am I suffering from a writer's block? Sigh!

Maybe it's... sigh! I don't know.

I'm worried!

"How are you?" "I'm fine..."

I'm not fine. I wrote the blog. Published it. 'Cannot find server' is flashed. A rude joke? This is a mirthless, ruthless, heartless world. And no, I'm not fine.

I've not been fine for a while. What is wrong? I have not a clue.

I want to curl up and wake up with an angel singing softly to me, with a harp playing by my side, with little cherubs flitting past in pink tutus, and birds flocking to a musical birdbath and my Sai gently running his hand over my head where I know that I won't have to worry about being alone, troubled, bereft of love, understanding, ever.

I really need to sleep. A deep restful sleep. Dream blissful dreams.

"How are you?" "Need to be rescued." (But I'm not fine...am not fine at all).

A Double Bill, Some Popcorn & The Underdog...all for 500 green ones!

Ole! Ole! Cheers! Go go go! YES!

2 movies - Cinderella Man & Iqbal. (Watching movies on a weekend is a drain on the wallet! 100 bucks for parking? 100 bucks for plain old popcorn, Pepsi (ugh!) and Iced Tea? What's the world coming to? Or am I the only one complaining in the age of Rs.00,000,000/- salaries, Chevies, SUVs and the duplex apartment? I am a loser!)

Boxing. Cricket. And the underdog.
The world loves to cheer for the underdog. Especially if he's a passionate, 'never-say-die', won't budge, no grudge, just plain bull doggish kind of underdog. We root for him. Pray for him. Love him. Because...He fights for what he believes in. Even if he could lose. Or die. Because in that fight, he actually fights for you. And for me.With a passion.

Life is about passion. Leo Buscaglia says that. So do a lot of others. Today's Quotes' section of the TOI was all about love. The great 4 letter, probably the most powerful word in the English lexicon. But passion? The most powerful, moving human emotion.

I feel like the underdog. I have the passion. Who roots for me?
I, me, myself. Always. Never forget that R. Never forget that.

Stray Thoughts!

...I love the Retro show on FM.

...I love Ian Wright on Globe Trekker. (Show me the way O Lord, to be a globe trekker,for in those paths that I trod do I seek and hope to find a peace of me!)

...I didn't know watching 2 films after such a long time, back-to-back would be such fun.

...I don't like violence. I sorely missed clutching at a friendly arm or clenching a familiar fist in echo of joy, pain, anger, every time James J Braddock got smashed on the nose or Iqbal claimed a wicket. (Watching movies alone is fun?)

...I'm disappointed with some of my friends. For reasons of my own. The sooner I ingest the fact that I will always be alone, the better off I'd be. However, in the meantime, I've got to make peace with the fact that only friends can hurt. If they don't, it means I don't care. And I do. Thank God! (And that's an impassioned exclamation God!...:)..what did I say? I'm passionate, frigid maybe, but passionate!)

...I can still relive the moment when I brought the house down with my 5 minute performance on stage. It seems like yesterday. I liked the applause. I basked in the appreciation. I wish I could be an actress.

...I hate motormouth young men who think talking about every scene is de rigueur. (Wish I could stuff that popcorn up your nose till you choke!(Did I say I hate violence?) Who do you think you are? Jay Leno? Half assed, insensitive, think-I'm-hip, can't-see-beyond-my-oily- black head-infested nose, nerd?)

... I love Agassi. And I love Federer. But today I root for the underdog. Go go go Agassi!

...I like 'The Practice'...a show which deals with some tough questions and does not soliloquise on the answers. The answers are your own. Yes, I like 'The Practice'. And I'd hate to be a criminal lawyer.

...I hate people who leave comments on the post when all they want to do is sell!Read my lips! KEEP OFF MY BLOG! I'm not interested! Linda Johnson and Seva whatchamacallit...get off!

..."Relationships seem so different from the outside. When on the inside, ...." (whatever...some profound thought am sure..I lost it! That was from Sex & the City).

...Er...what happens to a relationship challenged individual who's only seeking to...well you know the drill...

...I love the song from Zeher with that incredibly lucky dude called Emraan Hashmi who's the 'big smoocher' of Bollywood currently...'Woh Lamhe, Woh Raatein...." very peppy, makes me go Yeah!

... I had to write this post!(Thought I'd keep it short, succinct and...never mind!)

What a Sunday!

What it all comes down to...

...is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet...
Alanis Morissette (Hand in my pocket)

When I saw this song on VH1 on Friday morning I'd written this blog in my head. Of course I don't remember what I wrote... :)

But I've loved this song.
I like Alanis.
I like Sheryl Crow too.
I love Tracy Chapman.
I like women singers. Am I biased? Yeah yeah! More 'girl power'. Go baby go!
(Geez! do I sound like a teenage version of Germaine Greer?..no offence to you lady, but I don't wanna burn my bra and I definitely want the man to open the car door for me or pull out a chair for me or throw his coat over slush for my delicate feet clad in beautiful Prada to step gingerly over it - that none of it has ever happened to me, nor is there any likelihood of it ever happening is another matter, but yeah, I like being old fashioned).

I like Ashley Judd. The best profile and legs I've seen on a woman in a long long time.

I saw Anniyan.
Vikram, the male hero has acted remarkably in some scenes. His instant switch from one angst-ridden, hell-spewing, murderous character to a righteous, whingeing 'but -dammit-I can't stand up to the meanies' character is superlative. The movie? All I can say is I dislike such violence. Ugh!

I saw 'Salaam Namaste'.
Breezy, hip, funny. Very very nice.

I've been meaning to write a whole lot about issues relating to women (I'd actually scribbled it all on the paper last weekend, because things I read about was food for thought, but then I couldn't muster up the enthu for the same....too many thoughts raging inside at the same time. I can't keep pace with it).

Salsa is coming to an end. I think I'll renew it. I really enjoy it.
Want to take up the guitar. Seriously.
Want to revisit pottery. I enjoyed that thoroughly.
Books are as always - want to take up at least 5 at a time and gobble them up. Will probably take up some speed reading classes at some time.
Want to send ma to Vienna next year. Will probably visit Dubai and meet Sarita and have Irfan come there, and have a blast. Who knows?! I'll ask Sarita to employ me. Star TV...here I come!

Ere I end this post, just a thought that struck me last afternoon while watching the movie...
My instincts told me that there was something cooking. But I took the risk and voiced it, knowing and yet dreading the outcome, but hoping for a miracle. He didn't. And the miracle never took off. Got stuck on neutral.

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when you’re already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break
It’s like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife
It’s meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife
And isn’t it ironic... don’t you think?
A little too ironic...
Alanis with Ironic


At least I can tell myself, 10 years later, I tried, I cried, I died. And I lived.
What will he ever say? I never tried, I wished, I wonder, what if?

What it all boils down to is that I haven't got it all figured out just yet? nope!nah! nyet! non! ...

Ask me in 200 years from now and then maybe.... !

1. -- 10.

2. -- 9.

3. -- 8.

4. -- 7.

5. -- 6.

6. -- 5.

7. -- 4.
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' '
' '
' '
' '
' '
' '
..............

Self is feeling restless. Brilliant weather outside.
Perfect to make love, cuddle up in the aftermath, read, listen and try and have a go at an orgasm again.

Aamir Khan with long locks and the moustache is the man I'd like to go to bed with NOW! He looks raw, rugged and someone who could eat you alive with those smouldering eyes. Now there is a man. A real man. A man one could love or hate, never ignore.

A certain boy is definitely not suitable. He needs to be buried (and forgotten). For good.

Well, the numbers go up or down, depending on how I look at it.

For me, the countdown's begun. I'm hoping to be free. Inshallah!