Thanatology

That's the word for the day at M-W.
thanatology • \than-uh-TAH-luh-jee\ • noun : the description or study of the phenomena of death and of psychological mechanisms for coping with them.

So apt. Something in me seems to be dying. I need a thanatologist.

Week of sporting action - Tennis, cricket and football.
Tennis - I think Federer will win - on the outside, maybe Hewitt.

Cricket - Rules have changed. Am sure it'll make the game more exciting. Despite all this can Australia be beaten? That's a tough ask.

Football - Brazil vs. Argentina in the Confederation Cup finals. Being partisan, illogical, emotional, I'd root for Brazil despite everything and anything. Argentian might however just pull the rug. How to keep awake till 12.00 am and beyond just to see this match? Sigh!

Ok. All this is bull crap. I'm just filling the spaces. Trying to fool myself. I will not get onto this blog again for a while. At one point in time, roughly a month ago, I said I won't return. I did. Because someone I care about said I should continue. But I don't feel I can blog anymore. I feel a strange sense of ennui.

I don't know and I wish and I want and I'm unsure and I'm confused and I'm afraid and I'm weak and I'm hurt and I'm greedy and I'm silly and I'm ugly and I'm uncool and I'm just a little girl with a simple heart and I'm well....I'm human.

Right. No more lyrics. No more prose. No more sighs. No more cries. No more angst. No more nothing. This is it. For a long long time.

Dear Dee,
Dee! I've no clue when and I've no clue how but you've got into my bloodstream like an intoxicant. It's addictive. And I've got to break the habit before the habit breaks me. I care for you. And I can't for the life of me understand how you haven't figured it out. I guess you are in the throes of your own grief. However, someday if you ever read this and if this blog still exists, you'll know. Unless of course in an apopleptic fit of rage and anguish I destroy all my random thoughts, musings, natter, banter and bullshit that serves no higher purpose.

But dee, if ever you read this, ever, it'd be nice if you let me know that you did and that you don't understand why, and how and all that shebang. It'll kill me, but then like I said earlier, just have a thanatologist at hand...:). And if you think that we could be friends for ever, there's nothing I'd like more than that. Nothing at all. I gave up having any expectations and believe you me it wasn't easy.

But you live, you learn. I'm dying everyday, and I'm surviving and learning.

Here's looking at you kid.

Some weirdo who likes you so much it hurts.

R