The Horse Whisperer

Have had food contamination since last Sunday. Have been popping pills thanks to the 'doc'. It got downright mean and vicious last night and had to abstain from work.

At 3.30 am, feeling restless and after visiting the pot house for the nth time, with sleep too deciding to leave me friendless and alone, I switched on the telly and saw Kristin Scott Thomas's beautiful, expressive face staring at me in the flickering light. Knew instantly that it was THW. A movie I'd seen before. I sat through it again. I loved it. All over again. Poignant, real, adult. Very emotional and very heartbreaking.

Today, I've felt the need to:
a) be pampered
b) have a father who I could run to for a quick reassuring hug
c) have a concerned and loving boy friend who'd come with bouquet of concern and smelling divine because of the love in his eyes
d) have a huge family with at least 4 big brothers and 2 younger and older sisters with whom I could scream, have pillow fights, argue and above all laugh out loud and feel love
e) have my stomach stop its somersaults and other acrobatics and have food that looked anything other than curd rice
f) chuck everything away and be a rancher's wife...:)
g) not be bothered about earning a living (sigh!)

I've felt a need. I've felt my soul telling me something. I've felt my heart singing a tune that I've unheeded for a while now. Time has sometimes befriended, sometimes betrayed. How long will Time hold out? How long before I listen? How long before I turn deaf?

How many more times will The Horse Whisperer happen to me?

PS - D hurt me again. When will I learn to let go?