Lack of closure can cause havoc!

Chapter 1 - Closure

2.15 am. Friday the 28th. Circa 2006.

Just another day in the life of just another life among the 4 billion or so of the homo sapien variety dotting a blue green planet in the galaxy that could be invaded or is at least being reconnitred by beings from red or purple planets at this very moment as this is being keyed in.

Now is this passage from Page 21 of one of the billion or so writers whose work is grabbing mindshare and would I have to issue an unconditional apology to a non-existent reading public, to the service provider and above all to the little weasel who did a web crawl and found out that this post reeked of plagiarism? Well, guess that is the prerogative only of the Harvard sophomores with a $500,000 advance for not one but 2 books about women who're named after semi-precious stones and apparently get a life only when they're kissed (sic!). What's Harvard's take on the issue? Mum's the word for now.

Be that as it may, this ain't a post about young, talented whatchamacallit authors who seemed to have it made but er....about closure.

See, this started off quite well but I lost steam somewhere and so there goes my $ 100 advance which might be imaginary and I'm just pegging this post at such a sum to suit my own presumptous self that it could be worth at least that much on e-bay which incidentally sparks off an idea - can blog posts be auctioned on e-bay? What the hell, there's no harm in trying. There's a first for everything and all that Ray. Ray? Just a moniker and a substitute for jazz and inspired after seeing the movie Ray where he's billed as one of the all time jazz and R & B greats so it sounds nice when you say and all that Ray with a capital R. Ray of sunshine and Ray of hope and Ray of light and then some more...Hit the Road Jack, n don't come back no more no more no more no more hit the road Jack n don't come back no more!!!!!!!

Thank you Blog. I'll get back to sleep now.

I needed to vent some spleen. I needed closure. I needed to feel ok. I needed to get some sleep.

Homily Ch 1, ci 06 - Life is full of those who give and those who take. How much ever you evolve in your study of human behaviour and patterns, humans will never cease to take you by the jugular when it comes to springing unpleasant surprises.

Be prepared to be surprised. Be prepared to hate. Be prepared to forgive. Be prepared to evolve.

(Yeah! I think I've started a book, yeah yeah yeah! Close your eyes, free your body and see me floating away on a little bit of ether coloured white and then as I float away, away, away, my airship encounters a bird hit, or is it? Stung! Is it a bird, another plane or a giant....hold your breath! AMOSQUITO? PLONK!!!!! Back to Earth.)

Quotable Quotes

"People are just as happy as they make up their minds to be."
Abe Lincoln

"Worry never robs tomorrow of its sorrow, it only saps today of its joy."
Leo Buscaglia

"Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months."
Oscar Wilde

And my favorite for today...

"We had a lot in common. I loved him and he loved himself."
Shelley Winters

So from one Sunday till the next, live on...

So guess what....

Ummm...guess what what?

I don't know...ummm...yeah! ummm...sure....er....yeah, you know....umm...you're right! (slight shake of the head, slight tilting of the head to the right, a smile and then the almost embarassed sheepish 'I don't know, help me out here' look and wonder of wonders, the audience applause).

Just a scene from Oprah Primetime when she has a tete-a-tete with any one of her celebrities.
(Pssst! Secret confession - I wanna be on Oprah!)

So I had a few questions raging in my mind as usual and of course by the time I sit down to pen the blog er..sorry, I mean key the blog it's all flown over the cuckoo's nest. Tee hee hee!

Let me see if I can remember any - and forgive my fading memory, I am a fading star, an ageing star.

a) What does it take to be Amitabh Bachchan? (There's a piece waiting to be written by me on him..nothing in depth and well researched, the usual layman's piece, and I will do it)

b) Why do celebrity antics make it to the front page of the TOI? So Aishwarya slipped off a bicycle whilst shooting and suffered minor bruises...so? Front page news? Does a nation like India have nothing else to offer India's premier rag? Oops, sorry, I erred. It's a rag because of this, or else it'd have been a newspaper that delves and informs the public matters of note. But who are we to judge what's important eh? One man's meat after all is another's poison eh?

c) A noted politician (right-wing may I add? oh, someday I need to be schooled into the idioms and definitions of right wing, left wing, securlar, republican, etc...) was shot in the abdomen by his own brother for having been slighted so to speak and humiliated and for not having been treated well. Ticker tapes on all news channels except the foreign ones have the news beeped out and he's in ICU. The brother is deemed 'touched in the head' and seems the perfect excuse a la, a 3rd grade English movie with the probable motive for murder being the pouvre man's reason for instability. Hrmph!

But what shocks me is my very own desensitisation to the man lying on the threshold of Heaven and Earth (or Hell as may be deemed fit by the Gods that be) battling for life. I ask ma after coming out of the shower and hearing the TV news channels blaring in the background, 'Ma is he dead?' and she says no. So matter-of-fact, so simple eh? And then of course it hits me. Not the enormity of the question but the manner in which it's thrown, just like you'd throw a ball playing catch during some inane practice session. So regular, so shorn off any horror, so horrifyingly simple and insensitive. Is that what we mean by the desensitisation of the common public by the media, of matters that would normally have any human being feel a sense of shock? I have no answers, I am imbued with a hopelessness that I do not have the power to undo.

d) To forgive is when you let go of the hope that it'll get better or come back or heal. Quote by Oprah on Oprah. True.

e) Uma Thurman's movie 'Prime' should be seen. Especially as it deals with an older woman falling in love with a younger man. Maybe it'll throw up some answers. But then again, like Meryl Streep says, you don't have to have it all figured out, because mystery is beautiful (that's what I've said in my profile descriptor...yeah! Meryl Streep and I have something in common...yeah!).

f) Two life-changing books as rated by most men - Albert Camus's L'Etranger/The Outsider and J D Salinger's Catcher in the Rye. Someone I once knew and fancied wouldn't be surprised by that and might gladden his heart too. Wonder how he is and if he ever remembers me...I'd like to know that. Aren't there some people about whom you'd like to know if they think of you occasionally when they're out of your life, and wouldn't it kind of give you peace if they thought of you fondly and felt an emotion that was akin to yours when you decided to let go? I guess it's about closure. But then these are people over whom you waste so much valuable time and energy and hope and pray and want and need and urge and what not. And they don't give a damn! And then the piece de resistance is to realize that you give a flying f&*^ or how some people say it, a 'rat's arse' too. About matters that some time ago gnawed at your insides and caused you pain of such magnitude it'd fill the Grand Canyon. Oh man, what a sucker I was! But life is all about living and hoping and erring and mending and hoping and fouling up and learning and crying and yeah...you know the drill.

g) Taller = Richer. Now that's almost the last straw for us midgets. What the bloody hell is going on in life? Are people hell bent on shunting out the supposed Imperfect Wholes? If you were dark, it wasn't on. You had to be Fair & Lovely. If you had less than a Elle MacPherson body it wasn't gonna get you a better pay-check. In fact till some time ago if you had balls and wore a bra it wasn't on. And now this! So what do all the dusky skinned, short, fat, with dark spots and screwy hair and glasses but with a heart of gold and brains so sharp it'd slice through glass, supposed to do? Just disappear or blog I guess. I guess there'll be statistics to show that blogs by high cheek boned, blondes with perky breasts and toned calves and thighs and washboard abs are read more. How does anyone know the identity of bloggers? Oh with RFID technology maybe there'd be a face to every name, nickname, password selection and topic of blogs chosen. Zounds!!!!

Ok that's the 7 Deadly Sins (a - g is 7 alphabets you %$#@&, never mind).

Enough chest-beating for the day. It's a Sunday. I have a dear dear dear friend coming down from Mumbai to spend a couple of days with me. I have my closest bosom buddy flying off Down Under for a 3-week vacation on the Gold Coast and wherenot. And I have plans of going to Ladakh or the Valley of Flowers.

Can life get better? It sure can...it sure will. Keep the faith!

The Error of My Ways!

Last night after posting a blog I started to read articles on the Economist, New Yorker, etc.

And then I committed a cardinal mistake. I went back on my word and skimmed (that's right, I didn't actually read too much) a blog that I had vowed to myself never ever to read again. BUT... yes a big but...what I once found completely engrossing and almost addictive, I now found boring.That was a relief.

R f R (Realization for R) #1:
What once was, is never what it is now. Everything changes. Perceptions, people, circumstances, contexts, attitudes, everything. Thank God!

R f R # 2:
People are afraid. Are hiding behind masks all the time. And when they come across someone who wears her heart on her sleeve, no one can handle that. They're afraid again. Of seeing a reflection of something that they'd love to be but can't or won't. Masks are 'comfort wear'. Who wants reality when you have Reality TV anyway? So while the world makes faces Kathakali style, yours truly makes faces her style. Say cheeeeeese!

R f R #3:
Probably nothing in life is a co-incidence. It's all premeditated and the Grand Plan that works its way silently and ceaselessly while we try to decipher it all the time. It's time to stop worrying and start living and let the GP do its own thing.

R f R # 4:
It's very depressing to find that the most inane, boring, not well written blogs have readers. I have one intermittent, irregular reader and Irf you don't even comment any more. But hey, I understand. I do.

But Inane Guy doesn't pass by here anymore. Guess he's too busy coping with his steady but inexorbitant ride to the world of just a randovariable going inane.

BUT DAMMIT!!!

R f R # 5:
Holding onto one's innate sense of faith and belief that all things will eventually turn up roses, especially when you feel your world slowly chipping away at that edifice of stability and regular mundane banality called routine life, is life-changing.

It's not happened to me yet. But I'm a WIP (Work in Progress) always.


R f R # 6:
All the friends, all the lovers, all the family, all the relatives, all the books, all the Gods notwithstanding, YOU ARE ALONE!

R f R # 7, 8, 9, etc:

• Never depend on anyone!
• Never take anyone for granted!
• Accept the fact that friends are the ones who'll hurt you most! (Because you care the pain is so immediately palpable)!
• Never have expectations!
• Learn to go for movies, shopping and dinner alone! I have mastered the art of the former 2 and have had lunch alone, but dinner is something I have to muster (the courage) to master.
• However esoteric and knowledgeable you may be, if you are not a decent human being everything comes to nought!
• Despite everything, inspite of all the pain, continue to live the only way you should - openly, fully, completely and always

ONTHEEDGE!

Adios amigos!

Here & There!

Saw this new series on TV - Grey's Anatomy. I quite liked it. About medical interns and about the noblest of professions. I daresay I loved Chicago Hope and ER, I believe, in the same genre is a much-awarded serial and much watched, albeit if it's for the dashing and completely drooly George Clooney is debatable (and he's oh so delectable). This one has a dashing Patrick Dempsey and I love his dimples and I like the way his eyes crinkle at the corners when he smiles. Very very nice.

Heard this songtrack whilst watching the same - "Could this be the day I've waited for?". I wondered if there was ever a day in my entire life when I'd have sung this song to myself? Jesus! Scary eh? It mayn't be so alarming after all. I just keep walking. I just keep humming. And I keep waiting.

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Today is the Tamilian and Malayalee New Year so Happy Vishu to all ye Malayalees and Happy Pudiya Varsha whatever or is it Varsha Parappu to all the Tamil brethren.

The payasam by mom is to die for. The rest of the food is to live, lick and keep licking for. He he he he!

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"The end of an era" the newspapers termed his demise. 200 films and over. School drop-out, supposedly immensely talented (this is purely hearsay as I'm not qualified to comment here), much feted, awarded and of course revered. It's a wonder they didn't have a temple built in his name as that seems to be the course of action for most Tollywood (the Tamil film industry as it's fondly called) artistes (notice the 'e' after the artist...that's for the emphasis that they're par excellence and not mere hoi polloi (bah! that's just by the by) ) like they built for Khushboo and I think the adulated and worshipped Rajnikant, the once-upon-a-time bus conductor from Maharashtra and now wielder of unquantifiable influence over a populace that waits with open arms and bated breath for every new release of his. Oh well, that's the 'fan status' here vis-a-vis ( I like the term vis-a-vis, it kind of gives anything you write a grave, important, all-knowing feel dontcha think...ok ok ok...save it..) movies and movie icons. And the 'era' is Dr.Raj Kumar. Dr. who? Come again? The 'man' who was kidnapped by the sandalwood bandicoot and erstwhile Forest Lord 'Veer Appan', yeah that's who.

And so the era felt a palpitation, was taken to a nearby hospital and couldn't be revived. And thus the country, the state, the city lost an era. Tres triste! But c'est la vie! You live, you learn, you die (Right Alanis?).

And thus was lit a flame. A conflagration. Of passion ubridled. Where the frustration and social and economic angst flared into a volcanic and molten rampage. Bangalore went mad for a day and a half. Burnt tyres, upturned and charred vehicles, innocent commuters forced to walk, display windows smashed, shards of glass forming the dermis on roads, crowds brandishing red and yellow flags, hapless posse of policemen, crowds, crowds and more crowds. And there he lay in his glass coffin. The era. Silent witness to another era - one of fire and brimstone. Of raw energy and frightening and vicious anger.

I was returning home after dropping my colleagues wherever they wanted to yesterday - I foolishly ventured to office thinking there'd be other committed souls like self and since it wasn't what we in this country call a 'bandh', I decided office was obviously functional much to my disappointment - with very little gas in my fuel tank, angry mobs everywhere forcing detours, all commercial establishments with downed shutters, every petrol bunk closed and a prayer on my lips - 'chal Dhanno, aaj teri Basanti ki izzat ka sawaal hai' - I made it home. Safe and sound. And one question on my mind. Why?

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This American sweet corn that comes in small, medium and large paper cup sizes, in 'butter and salt', 'Chinese', 'butter, masala' and sundry other flavours is really something. I mean really yummy. Even Dubai had them. They seem to be everywhere. Lovely. Let them proliferate I say.

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Faint lines furrowing the forehead. Not too tall. Blondish, brownish hair. Deep set eyes. Wide mouth. Slim. Lots of sex appeal. Mark Wahlberg in 'The Italian Job'. Oh check out Charlize Theron. This South African lady rocks and how!

Loved the movie. TTP like we say (Total Time Pass!).

The other movie that I saw last night (for want of any entertainment on TV as cable operators were in mourning and were requested (on pain of death or worse) to unplug all 'entertainment' channels, so we were all very 'News' worthy for 24 hrs. ) was a thoroughly enjoyable Tamil movie called 'Ghajini'.

Once in a while when you watch regional films, you realize that their technical wizardry, art direction, screenplay, music score and choreography does make Bollywood look like amateurs. Anyway the movie was good and the lead, Surya, is a very good looking and good actor. I enjoyed the movie about this young turk having Short Term Memory Loss. Of course the story had many loopholes and there were many incongruities, but all said and done, it was a good film. Am surprised that the Bollywood plagiarists haven't picked it up yet. Wonder what Ghajini means!

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After tinkering with my Internet settings, Pop-up Blocker settings and trying to figure out non-existent Firewalls and what-not, I'm glad to announce the comeback of Yahoo Radio on my messenger.

Welcome back Yahoo! with Voice (Beta) nonetheless. Soft Rock, Oldies and Country rock. :)

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Now that I'm gonna be relatively free with time on my hands, I can get some serious reading done. Besides of course getting seriously depressed.

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Why is it that when you walk towards the light, the light keeps going farther off and always is so elusive? It's never here, it's always there.

Make Over!

See new. Feel new. Read new (?).

Idiosyncrazies.blogspot.com - soul connections.

Yes, my blog has a new look. Thought it was time for a make over.

Till such time I don't start craving for the old, it's "hail the new"!

And we all live on Hope!

But Fear is a far greater and stronger adversary. It has powers that would numb the sword of Darth Vader.

Right now I could do without the excruciating pain.

Right now I could do with some attention.

Right now I could do without...

(Balls! Am outta here!)

PS - Carlos Moya in the Xylus ad looks good enough to... well guess there's Hope after all.

Inanities

STOP!

Got to stop asking questions on the blog.

STOP!

Got to start jogging. And stop procrastinating and dreaming of cellulite melting like the snow on the Alps or wherever near the Danube.

STOP!

Have to stop drooling over Bounty chocolates. What is it about Bounty that only I love and others love to hate? Come to think of it, why do I need to stop drooling over la dolce vita?

STOP!

I got to stop! (I need to stop thinking and be in the Power of Now...Sorry Mr.Tolle, it'll take some doing but I'm working on it).

START!

Need to start...

Yahoo Launch Cast Radio

Why do I get 'Server Error' of late? How do I get back to listening to Radio online? Have tried the help and the Proxy settings and pop-up blocker and what all that kitsch that Yahoo Help tries to help out with.

So no option but to upload 41 CDs of MP3 muzak! And then some..and create play lists by artists and mood and genre and oh gawd!

If music be the food of life...?