Dangling Conversations

Am in a strange frame of mind. Happy. Not ecstatic. And disturbed by 'dangling conversations'. It's a beautiful song by Simon & Garfunkel - great song writers, great composers, great musicians. Music today is not really melodious. Or maybe I'm not part of Gen X. Maybe this and maybe that.

I'm back here for 2 reasons - one because something someone said fed my voracious ego (that bit about 'voracious' is so untrue...even if I myself say so, and if it's so untrue then why mention it...oh! it's nice to make things up about oneself... like I'm Ashley Judd with Meryl Streep's cheekbones, Nicole Kidman's legs, Julia Robert's smile, Charlize Theron's anything, Elle MacPherson's what else, the Bod! and so on, and no! do not wish for J Lo's ample butt...too much is made of it I say...and my South Indian genes have taken care to see that I'm well endowed in that department...and Mallika Sarabhai's genes, Shabana's eyes, Nandita Das's earthiness, Sushmita Sens' chic and sense of style and ....ok lady just stop! it's awful when you carry things too far...) - the other because my team won at a quiz medley held at office today.

Reason 1
6 teams - regular quizzers - seemed like the entire WWF team against Lilliputians. Us! 4 of us and we won. It sure felt good. And if I cast my mind back to the questions and rounds - we cracked only 3 out of the 6 rounds. Time was of the essence and guess Vikram and Aditi were good. I felt good. It feels good to win. Winning should become a habit. It can be quite addictive. Is that what keeps Michael Schumacher, Kasparov, Lance Armstrong going long after they've achieved the pinnacle of success? Long after records tumble, long after they've rewritten history books several times over? I'd like to know where the motivation stems from! Maybe it's some drug (adrenaline?) that keeps them going? Want to bottle it and retail it anyone? Anyway, so on a Friday, it was good to win something. It's nice to win when expectations are NIL. I was expecting to come last. Right!...enough said on the win. It wasn't like I defeated cancer and came out trumps. Now that's another story... the triumph of the mind over matter.

Reason 2
Someone with whom I chat fairly regularly in office said I should continue blogging or some such. For a moment it took me completely unawares - he was talking of my blog. Didn't ever think he'd read something I wrote, leave alone give me a back-handed compliment. It gave me goose-bumps to think that someone would read my blogs, someone I knew well (relatively speaking, and not in the category of 'dear, beloved friend'). It was like someone reading my thoughts and knowing me inside out (now that's a laugh considering I'm still trying to figure myself out). I'm hoping that he won't read any of my blogs if and when I continue after this one (this is a special case in point, thanks to the someone I know and the Quiz Medley).

Today's conversation was a 'dangling conversation'. Sometimes I often wonder if we're trying to say more than can be said. Maybe not. Maybe I'm being 'complicated'. Maybe I'm letting my fertile imagination go wild.Maybe I want more to be said. Maybe I should use my 'intelligence' well...:)...we all learn the same things someone said, it's about how you use it. I've been trying to use it to read minds - phew! I give up. Correction! Read 'a' mind. And I hate it when people don't share in the happiness of friends. I won. Sent an SMS. No response. So I didn't win the Marathon or climb Everest. But it was my moment of glory. I shared. What is shared in return? Silence! Ignored! Why don't I learn? (This last here would be 'irrelevant, out of context, tangential' as some might call it, but thankfully I do know my mind, and who cares if you don't know why a line of thought has suddenly turned astray?!)

Success eludes me. Labryinthine is the mind and I'm just a poor, puzzled ignoramus - will I ever see the light?. I don't know if it'd be worth it. I don't know if I want to anymore. But I am the eternal FOOL! Stop caring, you! (If only I would listen). I will die soon. Sigh! Life's a bitch! And then you die! Uh oh!

Sheryl Crow drones (actually it's a very nice song so 'drone' does not reflect the actual inflections in her voice while she sings....sorry Sheryl!)
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Mmm...feeling fine? Ha ha ha. But today was a nice day. It's yet another Friday! So? Beer anyone? Beer? Nah! Not me...I'm the quintessential 'Shandy' girl...oh Amit & Nag...you'll vouch for the same won't you?...Life is calling! Where am I?